Today marks one year since my husband and I declared our intent, said our vows, and were married in front of our friends, family, and God. Reed and I often think back to that day, the beauty of it all, and wish we could relive it. The breeze blew through the trees ever so slightly and people appeared out of thin air from around the country to celebrate with us. The food was good, the dancing plentiful, and doughnuts lingered on hands and plates while those closest to us mingled and celebrated our love. Parts of the night seem like a blur while other moments stand out in clear focus. I remember the way my face hurt because I couldn’t stop smiling and when a family friend pointed out that he’d never seen me smile so much in my life. I remember serving communion together as a couple and our professors from college who were so touched to have been served by a gay couple for the first time. I remember being surrounded with unbelievable amounts of love and affection, and it was one of the most freeing nights of my life.

I sit and write with a year of marriage under our belt. We have weathered my excruciating back/hip pain the month after we got married, as well as conflicting schedules where we only saw each other for a few minutes before or after work. Little habits have shown themselves and we’ve developed new tricks to tease and bother each other with. We have grown together over the past year, weaving our stories even more intimately than before. And we have found that we still like each other, and even better, our love has grown stronger and deeper. We are rooting down deep with each other, letting our love blossom like a magnolia tree, big beautiful pink-white blooms. And just as a tree blossoms and presents its beauty to the world, so too does our love flower and shower those around us with its love.

Sometimes it’s hard for us not to think about all the goodness that comes from our marriage and keep from saying a word or two to the people who still don’t approve of same-sex marriages. For the people who still think we’ll wake up one day and find the girl of our unconscious dreams, we won’t. For the people who still think we don’t belong in the church, we absolutely do. For the people who still don’t think our marriage is important, it’s even more important than the day we said our vows. For the people who think it’s just a phase or a sham or that we’ve given over to lust, it’s not just a phase and it’s not a sham and it sure does involve a lot of lust. What good marriage doesn’t? But, it also involves a hell of a lot more patience and grace for one another. It involves a whole apartment full of kindness and forgiveness. Our marriage involves doing daily life with each other’s best friend. So, sometimes we like to see our marriage that’s made it a year (granted, that’s not too long in the grand scheme of things) and how good it is as a sign that God’s okay with us, that people should support and celebrate same-sex love.

Regardless of those who don’t approve, this past year of marriage has been spectacular. We moved into a cozy little apartment after we got back from our delightful honeymoon to Traverse City, Michigan. Our first time arranging an apartment together, and I think we pulled it off. Our space has survived the KonMari method for going through our belongings and it only grows homier with each bottle of wine opened and every bite of delicious Italian food we make from Giada’s cookbook. Our apartment has grown into our home over the past year because we’ve been occupying it together, because home is wherever I’m with Reed. We could make a home in a hut in the Alaskan wilderness (though he’d protest dearly) and it would be home for me. Or we could move to a tiny, tiny apartment in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City and pay absurd amounts of money for it and it would be home for me.

In honor of our first year, I raise a glass to all those who are just getting married or those who have been married for decades. I raise a glass to love, to all the people still discovering their sexuality and hoping to find the love of their life someday. I raise a glass to marriage, to the hard, task of living daily and intentionally with another human. I raise a glass to parents and siblings who are supportive of young couples, who help them grow and mature into adulthood. I raise a glass to friendships so wonderful and strong that celebrate our love. I raise a glass to my loving husband, full of kindness and mischief and wit. You, my dear, have given me life abundantly. You have helped to be a light in the darkness guiding my way, and simultaneously have been the warm dark night that envelops me and gives me peace, comfort, and the ability to keep trekking on. We make each other better, you and I, and I’m ever so grateful for your ability to make me a better human. I pray we grow through the years like the richest of wines, ripening with age. I pray we live long, full lives with each other, savoring the ordinary moments and celebrating everything. I pray for more love, more kindness, more generosity, and more wine, always, always more wine. I love you, Reed Burge-Lape. Here’s to celebration and starting the second year of marriage.